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10.Just another reminder to have something ready for the "I'm thankful for..." part of the day. "Not being on fire" will not be met with smiles; we know.
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9.Imagine if all of your relatives were dolls, and not just your common law wife. You'd get all the turkey you want, and only slightly more mind-bending despair.
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8.It's heartwarming to see lottery tickets do something for somebody ever.
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7.We have discovered a way around the problem of freeloading relatives: Be the least successful member of your entire family.
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6.The lesson here is to never discuss anything with your parents. Oh, and to not force gas before it's ready. Oh, and to not marry an imbecile.
The Top 10 Top 10's
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This time of year it is so important to remember that if you do the stuffing inside the turkey thing, you should pack it lightly or you might get some sort of uncooked turkey disease. Whoever thought that packing bread and sometimes, God help us, oysters, into the ass end of a dead turkey was solid ground for a culinary tradition should have been considered a witch. We assume it was a pilgrim and not one of the natives. From what we understand, the natives were in charge of the sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top and the green bean casserole.
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